(Inspiration)

I used to write creatively, but for the past 4 years, I just don't make the time to do so anymore. I don't have inspiration. and when i do, i might start to write something only to have it end at about the first paragraph. blogspot is banned in china. hmm, aren't all blogs banned in china? maybe i should write stuff and attach a picture to it. i know when i look at a long ass blog entry i don't want to read it. but if there are pictures, it's like oh, pretty colors, visual gratification! and i shall end it here because i wouldn't want to read my own long ass blog entry.

1:22am

It's 1:23am right now, and about a minute ago i really wanted to hug someone. I miss hugging people (like bruce) everyday. I document this because I'm afraid I'll forget this moment shortly afterwards.

Lighting

You ever have those moments in life that you think are insignificant while they are happening, but they get burned into your memory and you can never forget that snapshot in your life? Maybe some of you know what I'm talking about, maybe most of you don't. But I have these "checkpoints" of a sort from time to time, and I just had this beautiful one. This was back in my first semester in Japan, and I was biking home when I stop in the 7-11 to get something, and when I walk out I see Ronan standing outside. The night sky gave us the backdrop, and the 7-11 provided the dramatic white lighting, our outlines catch the light pouring out of the glass windows of the konbini, and there we are, an irish and an american, our cultural/national/self identities stripped by this raw moment, and for those 5 minutes that we stop and talk, we are but two lost agendas trying to find ourselves in Japan. Insignificant enough for me to remember, insignificant enough for me to make more sense of my year.

My Hair is Black

Life has become placid again since returning to the land of opportunity, foreclosures and big giant banks crumbling before your very eyes. In Japan, i substituted fun for the lack of busy school work. Here, I'm always collecting the honey, and when i'm not doing that I just... sit down? stare at the computer screen hoping some nice discounted item will pop up on some retail website and I'll convince myself to buy it because its so CHEAP. Who doesn't like cheaper stuff? I'm a sucker for the sale section. Or I'm rumaging through library trash cans collecting coke points because I found out the night librarian is collecting them too and I want it to be a fully blown out coke cap collecting war. About the only thing that pushes me like nothing else is competition, and that librarian might well be the only reason i now am much more adamant about collecting than I was last week. What else do I do? I don't give or get hugs anymore. I went from one everyday, or more, to none. It's like smoking but imagine little blue smurfs coming up to steal your cigarette everytime you put one in your mouth. I'm also deciding whether I should go to China to study abroad or stay here in school for a bit longer, or just graduate and hope on finding a job in the desperate financial times that we live in. Oh my, what will my Chinese parents think when I haven't got a job when I graduate? And I'm going abroad again? Well, that I'm not too worried about, but, as most offer-less soon to be college graduates feel, its more the coming lack of academic structure that I haven't experience for 16 years, the lack of having something committal to do, and the uncertainty of the future that's screaming at me: do something, do anything.

Top 10

1. Being home when its pouring outside
2. Hiding in my blankets for those extra minutes before i wake up to a freezing cold room to start my day
3. walking on fresh snow before anyone else
4. losing sleep because i just have to find out what's on the next page
5. the chase
6. looking through my candid pictures because they remind me of my life frozen at that very moment
7. riding my bike with my eyes closed and my arms out ready to take off into the skies
8. the moment i wake up, and i feel sore for the first time from excercising
9. when i know i've tried my best
10. when friends make me laugh

touching my toes

I've been taking taekwondo classes at school, and its more or less like Billy Blanks has taken over the body of a 40 something year old white man who happens to be the gym teacher. A lot of stretching, a lot of punching and kicking air, and by the end of the hour I am sore as can be. But well, heres been a goal of mine since from maybe when I was 6 years old when all the other kids could do it and i couldn't: I want to touch my toes. I now stretch everyday with this goal in mind. Also, it helps that stretching early in life will lead to less chronic muscle pain the future. Yeah, I really dont want to be one of those immobile old people. after I can touch my toes without it feeling that the circulation to my legs is cutting off, maybe I'll go for a split. maybe I'll be able to stretch like a ballerina one day. I would like that. As long as I don't give up in the middle, because I do that to myself alot.

I want to go back to Japan.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I hate the meaningful-ultimately-not-so-meaningful quotes people splatter on their facebook profiles, their blogs, blah blah blah. That's why I've never put one up, until now.

Elevating myself above the masses of celluloid mental waste in this city, in fact, this world. I am dismayed by how disabled this earth is. What constitutes celluloid mental waste? People who live vicariously, people who live in a mundane robotic state of existence, people who are phony wannabes, people who are Traitors, people who are Lazy, people who are unpassionate, lifeless, and dull. I treasure those who exude Confidence to say Fuck You to a world that tells you You Can't, You're too Wierd, You're too different, You're just Too Much.

I think I'm in L.O.V.E., Bao Tranchi.